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The act of kissing involves pressing one's lips against something, typically someone else's lips but also other body parts or objects. French kissing involves open mouths and, including the tongue, differentiating it from kissing. There are many legends about the origin of the kiss, such as from India, but given how ancient kissing is, it's likely that we cannot know for sure.

However, archaeologists have discovered kiss-like behaviours in ancient societies. Infrared scans of the enigmatic Statuette of Two Human Figures, for example, dating from 6,000 BC and sculpted in what is now Ain Ghazal, Jordan, appear to show two people locking lips. This suggests that at least one community in the Neolithic Age valued kissing so highly that they included it in their artworks. The Petra Museum in Amman now houses the statuette.

From the Bronze Age, we have images of people kissing the gods. The ancient Egyptians, for example, created many pieces of religious art over the course of thousands of years showing pharaohs and other devotees smooching gods like Amun-Ra or Isis. These pictures were not necessarily symbolic, though—the temples at Luxor and Karnak also have images of the god Amon letting pharaohs and even his fellow gods smooch him on the lips. Clearly, the idea that priesthoods might be lent divine power through their lips, rather than their genitals, persisted for at least a thousand years.

Oddly, the closest thing we have to a kiss playbook for the ancient world comes from another Bronze Age society—the Indo-Europeans, who lived around 1500 BC in what is now Ukraine. They didn't leave behind much in the way of statues or artwork. But they did leave behind texts, and some of these texts have things like rituals and laws.

The Ritual of the Kettledrum is such a text. It appears to be a guide for conducting elaborate funerals for manly men, but includes a scene where wives and concubines of the dead kiss the man after his death. They kiss not his face, but his legs and feet; he kisses them, when they cry, seven times on the lips. This is odd, except that in the Rigveda, an Indo-European text that the Indians started writing around 1200 BC, the wife of a dead hero welcomes his reincarnation by, among other things, kissing his feet, as she did before they were married. But this isn't that different from the fact that, thousands of years later, widows of the high-caste Brahmins still washed a dead man's feet.

The formalization of kissing in texts like this suggests that, by the time people were kissing in the Middle East and South Asia, it was already regular practice, and had been as far back as anyone could remember. If so, even older kisses in the Near East, should we find them, will be mysterious to us in part because, though our kisses evolved in the 19th century AD, kissing itself has been a thing for so, so long. So if you ever see a photo of your grandparents kissing, keep in mind: Dirty hipsters didn't even invent kissing. Kissing worked for our monkey ancestors, it worked for the kings and peasants of old, and it worked for your grandparents, and it does not work especially well for me, but it does not matter, because I am a dating columnist who lives solely in the realm of the idea, and as I explained, kissing is for clouds.

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